Dick

She ripped the box open and popped out, shaking off ash all around. Her name was Commander Dick and she was pregnant with an illiterate teenager. She was a gift, non-refundable, and completely insufferable. She made bad suggestions when I wasn’t even looking for a good one. She ate with her tongue out and wore too much powder on her cheek.
Commander Dick wanted the two of us to be a neighbor-threatening, new old couple. I let it fucking be and had it happen on me.